Managing anger begins by understanding what lies beneath it I appreciate several features of the Tri-City Record. One is the Mr. Know-It-All column from my friend and colleague Scott Michlin. I must inform him someday, however, that people who think they know it all are awfully annoying to those of us who really do.
Another regular feature I appreciate is the “A Look Back at the Week” column, which appears every Monday. In the July 6, 2026, edition, I read an account of an incident that occurred in 1906. Apparently, a dispute erupted between a landlord and tenant involving a Winchester rifle and wounds to an arm and hip. I was especially taken with the last sentence: “It is safe to say that the whole trouble was the result of anger, and, no doubt, both parties now regret the whole affair.”
I guess a lot hasn’t changed over the years, eh? At least weekly, if not daily, we hear of someone getting upset and resorting to actions they later regret. As I mentioned in my previous column, this is referred to as being flooded or experiencing an emotional hijacking. It helps explain road rage and what you might call relationship rage.
We’ve all made rash decisions from our emotional brain that we may still regret days, weeks, months, or even years later. That’s part of the human condition, but perhaps it doesn’t have to be.
Wise old Ben Franklin said, “Anger is never without a reason, but seldom with a good one.”
Several years ago, I became acquainted with Tom and Beverly Rodgers of the Rodgers Christian Counseling Center in Charlotte, North Carolina. They teach that anger is a secondary emotion. In other words, you are never angry just because you are angry. It is helpful to determine why you are angry and then decide how to address the situation appropriately.
The Rodgers teach that when you are angry, you should grab your thumb. Note that I said your thumb, not someone else’s. Then look at your fingers and ask yourself, “Why am I angry?” This forces you to leave your emotional brain and enter your thinking brain. Once there, you are in a far better position to make a reasoned, rational, and productive decision.
The Rodgers tell the story of a man who instructed his teenage daughter to start the car but not move it. She, of course, started the car and drove it right into and over the brick mailbox. Hearing the commotion, the man raced outside, sized up the situation, and began to get angry. His daughter jumped out of the car and yelled, “Dad, quick, grab your thumb!”
Long story short, he did indeed grab his thumb. Because he did, he was able to confront his daughter in a firm but loving and respectful manner. He calmly informed her that there would be consequences for her actions, but he also reassured her of his love and let her know that she was far more valuable and important to him than any car or mailbox. He then gave her a daddy’s tender, loving, reassuring embrace.
I can promise you that opportunities to grab your thumb will arise when someone treats you wrongly. My hope is that you’ll be able to respond from your thinking brain, formulate a reasoned response, and preserve a healthy relationship.
As I often say, conflict is inevitable, but damaged relationships, poor morale, and lost productivity are optional when people learn to manage conflict well. Grabbing your thumb may be a great way to do that.
Why not try it for yourself and see how it works?
Ron Price, who has a master’s degree in counseling from the University of New Mexico, is author of the “Play Nice in Your Sandbox” book series and creator of the CPR Mastery video course. He is available for workshops and staff training. Contact Ron at ron@ronprice.com and (505) 324-6328. Learn more at ronprice.com.